it's all coming back to me now, waves of familiarity wash over me. it could have been a long forgotten memory, or an echo in the distance- but the sounds and the colours and everything that was... i can almost touch it, i can almost taste it. and i go back and forth, between parallels of black and white. like Sylvia Plath said "i have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or i can go mad by ricocheting in between."
up and down, the seesaw goes. passive. "i want to rip out your throat". hilarity. like i'm bipolar. which i'm not. i want control. i want it i want it i want it.
and i want it to stop. stop blaming me for things that i didn't do. stop restricting me, or i will restrict myself. i swear, i will not put that calorie-laden-spoon in my mouth, if you tell me what to do. and you, where are you?! oh, just leave me be. don't wake up, i'll just walk to the hospital instead.
has anyone ever told me i'm crazy? no.
~ 7 words and expressions: ~
at: 12 December 2011 at 07:51 said...
V, I'm so glad you came back, I missed you. Huge congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Omg... big news or what?! You will look stunning in your dress, I know it :)
Love you petal, Isobel xxx
at: 13 December 2011 at 02:40 said...
I thoroughly hate the tradition of white wedding dresses. It takes a rare person to pull off white :/
Madness and genius go hand-in-hand. It's a bitch sometimes, but I think that normality is really rather boring.
<3
at: 16 December 2011 at 10:38 said...
I like this post. The bouncing back and forth between happiness and misery...its terribly familiar. But what's even worse, to me, is boredom.
I don't think you're crazy. You're just a human. In this society we place to much value on the stoic, the reserved, the control of emotion. We forget that we are emotional, reactive, dynamic beings. I think the true craziness comes when we try and repress that.
at: 18 December 2011 at 14:34 said...
Crazy is just a word.
/ Avy
http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com
♥
at: 19 December 2011 at 01:40 said...
i want control too. so badly.
at: 23 December 2011 at 00:36 said...
my darling V, have a lovely lovely christmas, i ll be thinking of you, always.
L.
at: 25 December 2011 at 15:22 said...
Beautifully written.
Love
/S / http:// mydarlingsolitude.blogspot.com
♥
~ Post a Comment ~